A Dreamy Winter Weekend in Milan

Italy is my old best friend.  Every time we meet, we stare each other in the face and say, “You haven’t changed a bit,” then pick up right where we left off no matter how much time has passed.  Then we drink too much wine.  

This time exactly 587 days had passed since seeing her, but an unusually cheap flight ($530 round trip) convinced me that a winter weekend in Milan was totally justifiable.  So just like that I found myself with 72 glorious hours to recharge, reminisce and introduce my husband to my beautiful best friend for the first time.

Northern Hospitality

Just in case you were doubting how the Northerners get down in Italy, here’s a sample of a dinner party that I was invited to at an agriturismo outside Treviso. The lady with the poofy red hair has possibly the best laugh I’ve ever heard and the evening was a general circus of outrageous activity including magic tricks, rapping and a conga line into the kitchen (that was quickly vetoed by chef).

Sexy Sign Language

Just a few minutes outside the walls of picture-perfect Treviso is Il Terraglio, not to be confused with i taralli, my favorite Italian snack which consists of small crunchy ringlets of bread, mildly salty and delicious.

No, no. Il Terraglio is the road that connects Treviso and Venice. It’s lined with trattorie, bars, villas, and apartments and by day it’s seemingly ordinary. But by night it’s a sexed-up superhighway filled with prositutes. On a recent drive back from Venice I counted thirty-five in a 2-mile radius at which point I felt slightly violated for even being on the same pavement, not to mention they were getting picked up left and right. Yuck.

Then I saw this salty sign provocatively posted along the street. In English it says, WATCH OUT FOR PROSTITUTES.

Come on, is this really necessary? It’s not like these women are jumping out from behind trees and galloping across the road to graze. Can’t they just tend to their “business” in subtle fashion? And it seems that the artist went to great lengths to perfect her perfectly perky Double D breasts but neglected to give her any hands! Poor hooker.

I would, however, enjoy seeing a sign that says, “ATTENZIONE: sleezy Italian men hunting for prostitutes may jam on their brakes at any minute.”

If there were one place this sign could have served a genuine purpose, perhaps it would have been in Spitzer’s office. Maybe if I ask nicely, the mayor of Treviso will overnight it to Albany as a cautionary reminder for Lt. Gov David Paterson…